like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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