I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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