Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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