Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
