Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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