We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
