Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize