I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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