You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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