youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
