This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
