so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
