you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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