Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
