As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
