That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
