All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize