i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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