She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize