I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
