i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
