if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
