the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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