she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The Olympian is in my bed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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