last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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