I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
