ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
