Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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