I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
