Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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