oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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