i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize