im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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