Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're a waste of cheezeits
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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