I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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