nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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