He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
