drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
