I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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