You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
