In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
