If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
