is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
