Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
