I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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