So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
