just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
