If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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