she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
