omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
