is your mom at the bar?
In America we eat man semen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
