Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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