i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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