honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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