i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
