How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
