I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The air was thick with penises
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
